Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEP 7)

THOSE IN YOUR WORLD

Do not listen to people, friends or family who advise you to stay ON in the relationship. Some of them may mean well but majority of them may not. None of these people live with you. They do not understand and neither will they if you try hard to explain your horrible experiences to them.

People are there to help us, this I acknowledge BUT in the case of domestic violence, it is you, the woman, who holds the largest responsibility to what happens to you.

You may choose to listen to these people, thinking that they are right and thus end up having your precious life taken by this man

And you may choose to escape by going away so that you will still be alive to see your children’s children. The choice is yours.

It is your life and safety that we are mentioning here. If you value your life and your well being, then you will do whatever it takes to protect it.

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEP 6)

LEGAL DOCUMENTS

-       Prepare a temporary bag, and its content mostly should be your Identity card, your credit card (that’s the one for your private individual account), legal documents of you and your children such as marriage certificate, birth certificates, health, house and vehicle insurances, travelling passports and others.

-       PHOTOCOPIES! If you can lay hands on the original without his awareness, then fine but you wouldn’t want another aggression from him after he discovers some documents are missing. Photocopies of these documents are okay. They still show you are the owner of whatever details are written on them.

-       You may be thinking, what is the importance this?  Do you prefer to flee without anything valuable on you? Are you ready to let him take it all thus dominating your life even when you are no longer with him? There have been tales of many abusive partners still manipulating their victims because they are the only one with access to the documents.

Few years ago during my younger sister civil wedding, the registrar openly told my sister, as he was handling over the marriage certificate that she should hold on to the certificate with her entire strength as if her life depends on it.  Everybody laughed. They found it funny but I understood the registrar.  He is a man and he knew much about the effect of losing such certificate.

I advise you to keep documents far away from the home you share with your abusive partner. I repeat; photocopies are better off than nothing. The moment you start observing conflict and consistent quarrels between you, get out the documents you knew you dare not joke it. Look for safe deposit office or close relation or friend (someone you can trust), and tell them to keep the papers for you.

Just be ready!

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEP 5)

JOINT BANK ACCOUNT

-       If you have a joint bank account with your partner, now is the time for you create an individual account for yourself and you must do it secretly. Do not let the bank statement be sent to your home. Give the address of trusted relative and friends who will be receiving the account statement on your behave while you can go often to check. Never make the mistake of bringing the statements into your home, you never can tell what would happened if your partner sees it.

-       Having a separate account is very vital. It saves you so much hell of troubles that you have never prepared for.  In a joint account, there is every possibility that your partner can block your access to it. If he is the major financial, he would do all it take to punish you for deserting him and one of them is placing embargo on the bank account.

-       Individual account gives you liberty. It relieves you of unnecessary headaches. Another bonus of having individual account is you are independent. You are the only one who determines what goes in and comes out of the account. It does not matter how little amount of money you have in there. What is important is your financial security during your moment of separation.

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEP 4)

-       Call the Police. The law enforcement agents are there to help you. It is their duty to protect you, to ensure that you are at safety. When you keep silence on all the abuses your partner inflicted on you, then you are in total danger. The only way you can save yourself is to talk out. Do not think that by keeping quiet that you are helping the situation. In fact, you worsen it the more.

-       Always have a phone handy. Making phone calls is not supposed to be difficult anymore. All you have to do it, flee to a room where there is a phone, lock yourself in and dial for help. If you have informed the Police ahead of time about your partner and what you go through in, they will be ready for you at all time.

-       Do not be afraid of the Police. Never think they are going to give you away. They are the first contact in this situation and you must not avoid them if you want to stay alive.

-       What if you don’t want to alert the Police but a close friend? This is no problem. Just remember to have your phone ready in any room you flee to during the attack.

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEP 3)

-       Devise an alert signal. This you can use to alert your friend, neighbours, Police when you know you are in danger.  This is very vital as it is part of your security. You must create an alert signal. It does not have to be something specific; you can create your signal from telephone, or you can make it through one.

Let people outside your home know that you are in danger when you really are. Make them see the urgency for your safety so that when the time comes, they will be there to safe you right on time before your abuser gravely harms you.

You can create your alert signal with your friends, family members and the police. When you are determined to do this with friends or family member, then let them be those you can trust, I mean those who will not give you up especially when you need them the mos.

Alert signal is very vital. Often, you may discover it is one that would safe you at the time you least expected. You don’t have to keep pushing off the need to create one when you have the time. Please create one NOW! It is never too late until it is ‘actually’ too late.

We are referring to your life here, and thus, you should be very careful not to toy with it. Remember, you are very precious, even if your abusive partner never realise this.

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps you must take before it is too late (STEP TWO)

Be ready for emergency!  There is no point waiting until someone comes to show you the level of danger you are in. Once confirmed your partner is an abuser, then you must be ready to move.

Anything can happen, and you cannot tell exactly when, because abusers bring negative surprises especially when their victims do not expect.

For instant backout, this will be your security plan;

—    Look out for escape routes; doors, lower-windows, or any exit you think it’s safer for you to use when your abuser is coming for you. Prior, check out the safest route out of your house. You must do this when he is not indoors. Try the door lock, see if it functions properly and would not hang to trap you in when you are ready to flee.  Do this also with the windows. In a flat where all your windows are metal burglary proofs, then you have no alternative than to look elsewhere as your escape route.

—    Make sure you don’t give him the reason to know you are about to flee. You ask for extreme danger when you give sign of your soon-escape to your abuser. He will do all it takes to trap you in. He is capable of locking you indoors for days while he cut of any means of you contacting the police or anyone.  For these reasons, learn to keep calm. Even when you are arguing, do not boast to him that you are leaving soon. That’s a sure way to get him to hurt you the more or even kill you.

—    If you have children, show them and practice these routes with them. Then warn them sternly not to tell their father. Remember, children are very wise. They understand any situations easily even if you think they don’t. Tell your children the truth. Make them understand the need to keep quiet, and thorough sealed lips. Sure, they will. There is no child that enjoys seeing his father, or any man hurting his mother, and then will support the man. When it comes to children, their mother comes first. Thus, be ready to escape when the time comes with your children. Please, do not leave them behind. It does not matter if your abuser is their father; he is capable of inflicting pain on them just to get back at you for leaving him.

Teach your children the entire escape routes you know in your flat and you all have to keep this to yourselves.

Step three coming soon….

Are You A Victim? Speedy Steps You Must Take before it’s too late (STEPS ONE)

DO NOT listen, and stay back, if your partner apologies, and promises to change his abusive behaviour. This is pretence in majority of cases. He will never change.

It is easy for any man to convince his partner. Cases like this exist, and once he comes begging, the woman becomes paralysed in her senses.

I can tell you, it’s very rare an abusive man will not do it again. Once he starts, he goes on and on, and on, and on, until he feels more power as well as the ability to dominate your mind.

This is not about love; please don’t get me wrong. It is one thing to love, and be genuinely loved in return. A man, who derives his joy from punching the life out of you, DOES NOT LOVE YOU!

Take it or not; if he sincerely loves you,

-       WHY THEN IS HE INFLICTING PAIN ON YOU?

-       WHY DOES HE HIT YOU WHENEVER HE’S ANGRY?

-       WHY DOES HE CURSE YOU VERBALLY?

-       WHY MUST HE FORCE YOU TO SEX?

-       WHAT PUSHES HIM TO USE THE KITCHEN KNIFE ON YOU? `

Do you get this?

You may accept your partner’s apology, and decide to stay. But what you need to understand is, you do this at your own peril. When you opt to stay, fine, but soon, you will discover the biggest mistake ever.

Are you going to live on with him?

To avoid further attack, you may tell him you will stay, but as soon as he turns his back on you, get out secretly and seek help.

Watch out for NEXT STEP!

Who is the Victim; YOU, or the KIDS or HIM? (Vol. 1)

In a relationship clouded by violence and abuses, the first and major victim is the WOMAN!

Believe me, this is hard for many people to accept or believe but 98% of domestic violence and abuses are inflicted on women. It is the female who suffers most. She is the one who undergone all the agonies, the pains, the sorrows, the insults, the injuries.

She is the one who cries most of the dark nights. She is the one with the dark bruises on her face. She is the carrier of that unhealed emotional scar in her heart.

I am sure you are beginning to understand what this meant?

Like I mentioned in the introduction, it is still a mystery that women are the major victims of domestic violence.

Apart from her, the children are the next victims. Once a child is born into a relationship, he or she becomes part of that household. He sees everything that goes on in the house. He feels the tension going on between his parents and he shares in their emotional disturbances.

Within the space of time, that child is disturbed in every area of his life. He expected to see happiness riding the lives of his parents and his home. He wants to experience peace within the home. Once this is missing, the child becomes a victim. He turns rebellious. He loses concentration in his studies, and if care is not taken, the child will end up in life as a nonentity.

It’s time to act!

Dear all,

An abuser has no other reason for inflicting his victim but to GAIN total control over her.

He wants to dominate and the only means he believes he can is through violence and abuses even if he is aware of how bad his actions are.

When a woman gives a man the chance to verbally abuse her without her putting a stop to it the first day, definitely she is giving him the wider chance to continue. If on the first day he uses abusive words on her and she halt him immediately by warning him not to insult her again. If she is serious about this and he sees it, he will think twice the next time about hurling insulting words on her.

Women must be fully aware of the danger that goes with permitting their partner the chances to abuse them verbally. Let me be clear with you here; there is no physical violence that start right away just like that.

No! Physical violence first begins with verbal abuses. And this is if you are in any verbal abusive relationship, you notice that your partner is not satisfied with you unless he hurl nasty words at you, or at your children, then it is high time you must stopped it.

Never give him the complete freedom to insult you verbally as he wants. When he starts, right away, tell him to his face and with extreme seriousness; “Don’t you ever, ever, use those words for me again! Or I am sorry but I don’t want you to ever use such insulting words for me when we argue!”

This is no joke! Believe me, he will respect you because he sees the seriousness when you warn him against that and he knew you are not joking. If ever at all such occasions arrive, he would be careful with picking his words and how he should address you.

Remember, do not laugh or be smiling when you are making your stand before your verbal abusive partner. Use your sternly mood and make sure you give it back to him.

By doing this you definitely stop him from gaining control over you.

I pray for you!

Many thanks.

Help the Punching Bag Team.

IN THE NAME OF HONOUR

When a woman is being ripped to pieces like chicken or damaged without pity then of what value is her gender to the society?

Beating a woman is considered lesser crime compare to acid burning or murdering her. There is no type of violence or abuses against women that is justified.

A woman is a woman and she deserves the right to live.

In Asia, majority of women suffer extensively for lots of their actions, which are nothing. A woman can be set on fire because she is seen talking to another man, or she is greet a man on the street.

People who are supposed to protect her are the ones who hurt her, who kill and who dare to put her to endless tortures. It may be her father, her brother, her uncle or her husband.

For instance, a man can openly go and show himself to the Police after he had murder his wife or sister. He will insist he did it in the name of honour to protect their family name.

Of what use is a family name when murder and bloodshed have become the order of the day in that house?  These men are not ashamed or remorse for their actions.

We advise you to take a look at this breaking news from CNN.

http://edition.cnn.com/video/?/video/international/2009/10/12/ime.damon.iraq.honor.crimes.cnn

We announce we share in the pain of this young woman.  We understand she is afraid to talk and mention who did this to her.

Are there women like her still out there? Yes! They are.  3 out of 5 women are being mutilated each week.

This is punishable and a crime. Many countries tend to neglect this but will you pretend too that you did not notice such going on in your country, in your city or in your closest community?

Get to action and spread the word to stop violence and abuses against women. We encourage you not to lose hope and abandon this cause. Help us to help the women. They need you, they need your voice, your word and your actions to make their lives meaningful.

Violence and abuses against women in the name of honour is absolutely a crime and we condemn this.

Many thanks

HELP THE PUNCHING BAG Team

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