We could have pretended that all is well. We could have just sat back and fold our hands as if all is well. And when we do this, then it means we are extremely selfish. Many a times, there are incidents that can propel us or even compel us to always take action and one of those is the troubling story of Sakineh.

I wouldn’t want us to go into the detail, as you all knew the fate of this woman. All l am going to emphasise here is that it is high time we did something to save Sakineh. She is like every woman. She wants to be free. She desires the freedom that you have gotten so abundantly.

Life is so full of bliss and dark side. Often we believe we are not doing the best in our capacity but that’s where we are wrong. The truth is that we give back the best in us to life. We don’t need to stand by and wait until events turn in our favour. The reason is, it is not all the time that this can happen. We have to go for it. On this term I am mentioning again Sakineh. Whatever she must have done, I believe she has a right to her life. She has the right to determine how she should live her life. In a society whereby freedom is at cost, then it does not worth it.

Let me bring to your attention, today, what we have at hand is the death penalty that Sakineh is facing. Tomorrow, it may be another woman. It may be your turn. It may be mine as well. We are not just going to help Sakineh out of her problem. We are also going to focus on the need to stop this death threat melt out by the Iranian government.  Life is not a joke. Life is about love and where there is no love, then there is a problem. A life taken by force is a crime and it is sinful in the eyes of God. Iran should not be a threatening zone for women. Every society should be a place of peace and serenity for every woman.

A woman is not a dog. She deserves the best out of life. She is a treasure with abundant potentials inside of her. She is a flower waiting to blossom. A woman does not want her life to be at stake. She sees life different from her male counterpart. What she sees is forgiveness, liberty and the airiness of continuity. For her, she believes everything should come so easily without any distractions. A woman is ready to take many risks in other to ensure that life goes well not only for her but also for those around her. A woman is gift that no one can ever buy. The heart of a woman is imbibed with indescribable passions that show in whatever she does.

Let us go back to Sakineh. I want you to put yourself in her shoes. And then I want you to ask yourself some of these questions, what if I am the one awaiting this death sentence? Will I ever come out of it? Do I deserve this punishment? To what level is my crime that I should die by hanging or stoning? Does this sentence justify the means?

It is nearly five years that Sakineh is imprisoned. She has not been able to see the light or the streets in her country. She is closed up, and shut up in a cell like an animal. Each day, she’s been interrogating as if she is the worst criminal on earth. She has no right to go out to say hello to her friends or family unless they visit her.

As you put yourself in her position, you will come to understand that Sakineh is suffering daily. For all reason, Sakineh does not deserve to die. She is not a criminal. She is a woman just searching for love, though she might have searched in the wrong place and at the wrong time.

Let us act to save Sakineh. She must not die. Let her live to give the best to her children. Let her live to enjoy the best of days ahead of her. Let her live to embrace the liberty. Let her live to sees the lights and the warmth of the day. Let her live to love and be loved in return.

I would like to thank you heartily for reading this bulletin. Thank you so much for your understanding. One more thing I require of you is, PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY. The more this circulates, the faster help will come for Sakineh. Once again, I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I am just a woman like you working to ensure that the earth is free of violence and abuses against every women, be it young, old, fat, skinny, educated, illiterate, rich or poor, strong or weak.

Best Wishes,

Help the Punching Bag Team

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Do not listen to people, friends or family who advise you to stay ON in the relationship. Some of them may mean well but majority of them may not. None of these people live with you. They do not understand and neither will they if you try hard to explain your horrible experiences to them.

People are there to help us, this I acknowledge BUT in the case of domestic violence, it is you, the woman, who holds the largest responsibility to what happens to you.

You may choose to listen to these people, thinking that they are right and thus end up having your precious life taken by this man

And you may choose to escape by going away so that you will still be alive to see your children’s children. The choice is yours.

It is your life and safety that we are mentioning here. If you value your life and your well being, then you will do whatever it takes to protect it.

LEGAL DOCUMENTS

-       Prepare a temporary bag, and its content mostly should be your Identity card, your credit card (that’s the one for your private individual account), legal documents of you and your children such as marriage certificate, birth certificates, health, house and vehicle insurances, travelling passports and others.

-       PHOTOCOPIES! If you can lay hands on the original without his awareness, then fine but you wouldn’t want another aggression from him after he discovers some documents are missing. Photocopies of these documents are okay. They still show you are the owner of whatever details are written on them.

-       You may be thinking, what is the importance this?  Do you prefer to flee without anything valuable on you? Are you ready to let him take it all thus dominating your life even when you are no longer with him? There have been tales of many abusive partners still manipulating their victims because they are the only one with access to the documents.

Few years ago during my younger sister civil wedding, the registrar openly told my sister, as he was handling over the marriage certificate that she should hold on to the certificate with her entire strength as if her life depends on it.  Everybody laughed. They found it funny but I understood the registrar.  He is a man and he knew much about the effect of losing such certificate.

I advise you to keep documents far away from the home you share with your abusive partner. I repeat; photocopies are better off than nothing. The moment you start observing conflict and consistent quarrels between you, get out the documents you knew you dare not joke it. Look for safe deposit office or close relation or friend (someone you can trust), and tell them to keep the papers for you.

Just be ready!

-       If you have a joint bank account with your partner, now is the time for you create an individual account for yourself and you must do it secretly. Do not let the bank statement be sent to your home. Give the address of trusted relative and friends who will be receiving the account statement on your behave while you can go often to check. Never make the mistake of bringing the statements into your home, you never can tell what would happened if your partner sees it.

-       Having a separate account is very vital. It saves you so much hell of troubles that you have never prepared for.  In a joint account, there is every possibility that your partner can block your access to it. If he is the major financial, he would do all it take to punish you for deserting him and one of them is placing embargo on the bank account.

-       Individual account gives you liberty. It relieves you of unnecessary headaches. Another bonus of having individual account is you are independent. You are the only one who determines what goes in and comes out of the account. It does not matter how little amount of money you have in there. What is important is your financial security during your moment of separation.

-       Always have a phone handy. Making phone calls is not supposed to be difficult anymore. All you have to do it, flee to a room where there is a phone, lock yourself in and dial for help. If you have informed the Police ahead of time about your partner and what you go through in, they will be ready for you at all time.

-       Do not be afraid of the Police. Never think they are going to give you away. They are the first contact in this situation and you must not avoid them if you want to stay alive.

-       What if you don’t want to alert the Police but a close friend? This is no problem. Just remember to have your phone ready in any room you flee to during the attack.

Let people outside your home know that you are in danger when you really are. Make them see the urgency for your safety so that when the time comes, they will be there to safe you right on time before your abuser gravely harms you.

You can create your alert signal with your friends, family members and the police. When you are determined to do this with friends or family member, then let them be those you can trust, I mean those who will not give you up especially when you need them the mos.

Alert signal is very vital. Often, you may discover it is one that would safe you at the time you least expected. You don’t have to keep pushing off the need to create one when you have the time. Please create one NOW! It is never too late until it is ‘actually’ too late.

We are referring to your life here, and thus, you should be very careful not to toy with it. Remember, you are very precious, even if your abusive partner never realise this.

Anything can happen, and you cannot tell exactly when, because abusers bring negative surprises especially when their victims do not expect.

For instant backout, this will be your security plan;

—    Look out for escape routes; doors, lower-windows, or any exit you think it’s safer for you to use when your abuser is coming for you. Prior, check out the safest route out of your house. You must do this when he is not indoors. Try the door lock, see if it functions properly and would not hang to trap you in when you are ready to flee.  Do this also with the windows. In a flat where all your windows are metal burglary proofs, then you have no alternative than to look elsewhere as your escape route.

—    Make sure you don’t give him the reason to know you are about to flee. You ask for extreme danger when you give sign of your soon-escape to your abuser. He will do all it takes to trap you in. He is capable of locking you indoors for days while he cut of any means of you contacting the police or anyone.  For these reasons, learn to keep calm. Even when you are arguing, do not boast to him that you are leaving soon. That’s a sure way to get him to hurt you the more or even kill you.

—    If you have children, show them and practice these routes with them. Then warn them sternly not to tell their father. Remember, children are very wise. They understand any situations easily even if you think they don’t. Tell your children the truth. Make them understand the need to keep quiet, and thorough sealed lips. Sure, they will. There is no child that enjoys seeing his father, or any man hurting his mother, and then will support the man. When it comes to children, their mother comes first. Thus, be ready to escape when the time comes with your children. Please, do not leave them behind. It does not matter if your abuser is their father; he is capable of inflicting pain on them just to get back at you for leaving him.

Teach your children the entire escape routes you know in your flat and you all have to keep this to yourselves.

Step three coming soon….

It is easy for any man to convince his partner. Cases like this exist, and once he comes begging, the woman becomes paralysed in her senses.

I can tell you, it’s very rare an abusive man will not do it again. Once he starts, he goes on and on, and on, and on, until he feels more power as well as the ability to dominate your mind.

This is not about love; please don’t get me wrong. It is one thing to love, and be genuinely loved in return. A man, who derives his joy from punching the life out of you, DOES NOT LOVE YOU!

Take it or not; if he sincerely loves you,

-       WHY THEN IS HE INFLICTING PAIN ON YOU?

-       WHY DOES HE HIT YOU WHENEVER HE’S ANGRY?

-       WHY DOES HE CURSE YOU VERBALLY?

-       WHY MUST HE FORCE YOU TO SEX?

-       WHAT PUSHES HIM TO USE THE KITCHEN KNIFE ON YOU? `

Do you get this?

You may accept your partner’s apology, and decide to stay. But what you need to understand is, you do this at your own peril. When you opt to stay, fine, but soon, you will discover the biggest mistake ever.

Are you going to live on with him?

To avoid further attack, you may tell him you will stay, but as soon as he turns his back on you, get out secretly and seek help.

Watch out for NEXT STEP!

It took a while before both parents found out that Sola had gotten into trouble. He became friends with street boys and touts who led him to stealing and drug! At that age, Sola was far, and deeper.

He came out successfully though it took so much from his mother who learnt bitter lesson from the experiences. She quitted her relationship taking Sola along with her.

This is why being a mother; you must focus all your energy on the safety of your child during the rows with your man. Make your child understand what is going on.

As far as I am concerned, the moment you are a victim of domestic violence, your child is a victim too

Do not JUST think of yourself the moment you have experienced violence and abuses in your home. Think also, and more of your child. Take positive action on his and your behalf.   In spite of what happened to you, your child is very important, and you must make him or her you priority.

Maybe you should ask yourself this; why did I give birth to this child if I’m not capable of raising him or her?

Many Thanks.

Believe me, this is hard for many people to accept or believe but 98% of domestic violence and abuses are inflicted on women. It is the female who suffers most. She is the one who undergone all the agonies, the pains, the sorrows, the insults, the injuries.

She is the one who cries most of the dark nights. She is the one with the dark bruises on her face. She is the carrier of that unhealed emotional scar in her heart.

I am sure you are beginning to understand what this meant?

Like I mentioned in the introduction, it is still a mystery that women are the major victims of domestic violence.

Apart from her, the children are the next victims. Once a child is born into a relationship, he or she becomes part of that household. He sees everything that goes on in the house. He feels the tension going on between his parents and he shares in their emotional disturbances.

Within the space of time, that child is disturbed in every area of his life. He expected to see happiness riding the lives of his parents and his home. He wants to experience peace within the home. Once this is missing, the child becomes a victim. He turns rebellious. He loses concentration in his studies, and if care is not taken, the child will end up in life as a nonentity.